Have you frozen your eggs in the past? If so, you’re not alone
Women and other AFAB (assigned female at birth) have been freezing their eggs since the 1980s for a wide variety of reasons. Some are stressed about their ‘biological clock’ and decreasing egg quality as they prioritise their careers. Others are planning gender confirmation treatment, and some are dealing with cancer treatments that will render them infertile.
Many people don’t realise just how invasive and complex egg retrieval can be – it’s a challenging process, both emotionally and physically. It can also be tough to explain your decision to your loved ones, especially when you get into a new serious relationship.
When you’ve frozen your eggs in the past, it can be hard to know how to share the news with your new partner. It’s impossible to know how they’ll react – will they feel relieved? Anxious? Usurped?
Here are some tips on how you can disclose this deeply personal decision to a serious love interest
Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed
You made a bold and confident choice about your fertility – so why can it feel like something to feel sheepish about? Remember that you don’t need anyone’s approval, and a kind and understanding partner will react accordingly. For example, you could say something like, “I wanted to give myself some extra time to have a baby, so I decided to freeze my eggs.”
Talking about fertility can be a particularly sensitive topic. If you want the other party to open up and be honest about their feelings, you need to do the same. When you are ready to bring the topic up, you could say, “We have been dating for a while now, and you’ve mentioned wanting a family in the future. I want you to know that I too want a family, and in fact, I’ve taken some measures to ensure that can happen.”
Don’t rush the conversation too early in the relationship
When you meet someone new and you really like them, it can be tempting to rush into serious topics. However, this can ‘scare’ the other person away, as it demonstrates poor judgement to start talking about wanting kids after a week or two of dating!
However, if having kids sooner than later means a lot to you, be clear, calm, and upfront from the beginning. Something like, “hey, I don’t want this to be weird, and it’s very early days, but I want you to know that having kids is a big priority for me. If that isn’t the same for you, we should reconsider getting too serious.”
Let them know that questions are welcome
Any person is bound to have questions when they learn that their partner has eggs (or sperm) frozen for future use. Let them know that their questions are welcome, and answer them with care, honesty, and respect.
Have you frozen your eggs in the past? How did you tell the people in your life, including your romantic partners? Share your story at firstname.lastname@example.org on social @ivfbabble – we’d love to hear about your experiences.
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