Love language number Two – Quality Time

By Sonia-Jane Acheson

How often this week have you managed to have a little bit of time to yourself? Have you managed a quiet cuppa alone, a walk, a swim, a bath?

If you haven’t, why not?

Are you putting the needs of others ahead of your own?  Running yourself all about town doing for everyone else and making no room in your schedule for you?  I used to be the same. I was so wrapped up in all the drama of everyone’s stories that I had completely forgotten about me and keeping myself healthy and well was at the bottom of the list. In fact, I don’t even think I was on the list! Until I discovered how ill it was making me and I had to make a change.

This is the second part of our 5-part collection where we can really begin a truly wonderful self-loving practice for ourselves, created by us and honoured by us.

I have put together a beautiful collection of articles inspired by Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages.  Let me explain, if you are unfamiliar with the 5 Love Languages here is a quick snippet of how Gary Chapman developed them and how they can now enrich your life, as they have done mine for all my relationships and the most important one, the one I have with my Self.

Gary Chapman, Author of “The Five Love Language” believes that we have 1 main love language that we resonate with predominantly. He learned over the years that couples would offer their language of love to their partner but often would not be received as desirably as they had hoped as their partners love language was different to theirs.

So, the 5 Love​ Languages outlined by Gary Chapman are:

Physical Touch
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Words of Affirmation
Gifts

So, for example, if my preferred way to feel loved was Physical Touch I would respond well to hugs, kisses, cuddles, holding hands and I may then offer this action of love to my partner. However, if my partners love language was not the same as mine and it was Quality Time, for example, they would feel love when they had my undivided attention in a conversation, a walk just the two of us with no interruptions or a day date where only the two of us were together, you can see how our languages are not matching.

However, once we know this it can be a game changer to the enrichment of any relationship.

So, my darling, the most important relationship you have today is the one with your Self so we will in this 5-week collection special focus on one of the 5 Love Language each week to show you how best to enrich yourself with love and learn what works best for you and how you can nurture and nourish yourself in this way.

This week is week two: Quality Time

This one is the one that I feel really needs dedication and consistency, as it is so quick and easy to put ourselves at the bottom of the list, so we’ll start with an action first.  Action point one here needs to be scheduling yourself into your diary.

Now this could be your morning cuppa, your shower, or an uninterrupted bath time.  Be strict, be firm, be consistent.  This love language is one where we can practise and implement boundaries.

Also, blended into boundaries can be the managing of our loved one’s expectations here. These are and can be rather huge and intricate to implement into our day to day lives, as you may find the shift and changes within the household dynamics may change.  As we know, some people are not always welcome to change.  There are numerous books, journals, and literature in these areas, of implementing boundaries and managing people’s expectations.  So do, if you are intrigued in this area further readings and learnings as once, I discovered boundaries and expectations this changed all the relationships in my life, and in turn my own life!

Right, keeping it simple here and on point, if you live in a home with other people, especially if these other people are reliant on you, it may take a little time to adjust, shuffle and re-educate, but the time put in now will be well worth the effort and reward.  However, be aware there may be some discomfort for those who may be taking you for granted.  Change as we know is not always easy particularly with those who are benefiting from your lack of boundaries and self-care.  In this instance it is absolutely worth the discomfort.  You are Worth it!!

So, my darling, what does Quality Time look like or even feel like for you?  

Is this a spa day, a yoga class, a walk in the park, meeting a friend for lunch?  Or is it simply having a pee without interruption?  Whatever it looks or feels like for you, it needs to be your thing, so make it sacred, make it important, make it a non-negotiable that this will not be lost, dismissed, or rejected.

For me, it’s all about setting the scene. For example, before going to bed the night before, I set my intention. I promise myself that I shall get up and go for my cold-water swim.  This is something that is really very important to me, and I am pretty much a non-negotiable on this. I pack my bag the night before, I have my alarm set and anyone who needs to know that I am out in the morning does.  If I have a meeting or engagement afterwards, I am clear about my arrival time and if it’s later than they had hoped for I am polite yet firm that I will be there after my swim, or I won’t make it at all.

What I find helpful here and a good thing to share with you is that once you set your intention, you are pretty much halfway there already.  Once your heart and mind are set, ready and excited, when you wake you are already up and running before you know it.

Be clear, concise, and firm with those who need to know

This is something important to me, as I do things important for you, this is my time, and I shall be taking it.  It shows commitment, respect, and self-worth. Once you show people that you are showing up for you, they too see how important you are and how seriously you are taking your wellness but also you are showing those around you that they too can show up for themselves.  It is your responsibility to show those around you how to love you, respect you and treat you.  We cannot moan about x, y and z if we are not taking responsibility for our choice and actions.

When you honour a commitment, you have made for your Self you are re-affirming and showing those around you that you are important.  You are valid. You are loving you. Showing up for you and being there for You is the most important job you have today!  Now get this list together of all the wonderful way you can honour and carve out some Quality Time for you.

I’d be delighted to learn how you get on. Drop me a line at info@ivfbabble.com

https://www.ivfbabble.com/the-love-languages-collection-lesson-1-physical-touch/

 

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