By IVF babble Surrogacy Ambassador, and Author, Kirsten McLennan.
I still remember the day one of our IVF specialists said to us, “I’m so sorry about your miscarriage. I believe it’s been about a month since you lost your pregnancy?” There was just one problem. I hadn’t miscarried. We were at our appointment to discuss my fourth egg collection. But clearly not remembering who we were, she had mixed us up with someone else. And given how deeply personal and emotional IVF is, I can’t really say it was an honest mistake to make.
It made realise, there’s a severe lack of personalised care at IVF clinics. And while I can only speak to Australia, I’ve heard similar stories from people in the UK and the USA. And I’ve read stories in the news, and on social media, about the lack of personalised care and accountability with IVF clinics. I’ve also read several comments of people saying they “felt like just a number.” That’s not to say I didn’t have some fantastic specialists. In the end, we had two mediocre ones in Australia, a wonderful one in Australia and finally our fantastic doctor in America (Dr Russell Foulk, The Utah Fertility Center) who helped us have our son Spencer, born through gestational surrogacy.
On reflection, our first IVF appointment was rushed. We were in and out within fifteen minutes and hurried to the finance department to pay our hefty bill. Not surprisingly, they didn’t rush us, and they made sure we signed all the paperwork and paid our bill. Once the finances were settled, we started treatment. When I went to the clinic for my monitoring ultrasounds for my first transfer, I had a different nurse each time. The lack of consistency was alarming to me. And it was impossible to speak on the phone to my IVF doctor. IVF is a huge financial, physical, and emotional commitment. Perhaps the biggest decision of your life. And yet, I probably had more attention, and consistency, with buying a car.
As mentioned, this was not my experience with all my specialists but having some average doctors in the mix, it made me realise the things I needed to watch out for. Here’s my advice on what helped me navigate the IVF world:
Be prepared. Go to your appointments with a list of questions. For example: What are the success rates (and for your age)? How many embryos make it to Blastocyst stage? What are all the treatment options? And the side effects? What’s Pre-Genetic Screening (PGS)? There are so many questions you can ask.
Don’t be rushed. Ask all your questions and ask for clarity if you don’t understand something. Don’t feel pressured to be rushed out the door.
Arm yourself with knowledge. Speak to others going through IVF. Online communities and magazines like IVF babble are invaluable in helping you expand your knowledge. The Instagram community, and also fertility podcasts, are also a fantastic way to get all the insights you need before seeing a specialist.
Get a second opinion if you feel you need it. If we didn’t get a second opinion, I doubt Spencer would be here today. Our doctor took a step back and did some vital investigation work. He diagnosed me with having a very thin endometrium lining and explained how gestational surrogacy was our best chance of having a baby.
Find an IVF doctor who is supportive, patient, and empathetic. Dr Russell Foulk and his team at The Utah Fertility Center were the perfect examples of this. At our first consult, Dr Foulk took his time, acknowledged what we had already been through and greatly empathised with us. His caring and dedicated approach was a huge comfort and gave us the reassurance we deserved.
IVF is a big business. It can be easy to get caught up in it all and trust the medical specialists. But unfortunately there are too many clinics who don’t have personalised care and where you feel like ‘just a number’. Infertility is incredibly painful and all-consuming and so much of it is outside your control. In my experience, it’s important to advocate for yourself and be as proactive as you can.
About Kirsten
Kirsten McLennan is our IVF babble surrogacy ambassador. She’s an IVF and surrogacy Mum, an author, and a strong advocate for infertility awareness. Kirsten released her debut book ‘This is Infertility’ through C&R Press in November 2022. Kirsten lives in Melbourne, Australia with her husband Ryan and their son Spencer. You can follow Kirsten on Instagram @straight.up.infertility.
Read more from Kirsten:
My surrogacy journey, by Kirsten McLennan
The post I felt like just a number, by Kirsten McLennan appeared first on IVF Babble.
IVF BabbleRead More
